Legal Tips You Didn’t Know Were Necessary
If you’re a lawyer, you’re no stranger to being sought out by friends and family for legal advice. It’s inevitable that everyone needs it at some point. It’s just one of those professions. Doctors, lawyers, auto-mechanics … everyone wants a free tip here and there. If you didn’t want anyone to be asking you for free favors on something you went to school seven years for, maybe you should’ve considered data science or some other boring profession (see below for a laugh).
That is why Scott Briscoe is so helpful. Scott is a criminal lawyer and has years of experience and outrageous stories to pull from. He has been dishing out free legal advice online for quite some time. We interviewed him to get some of his best “legal tips.”
However, these aren’t your run-of-the-mill legal tips. These are oddly specific pieces of advice on practices to avoid if you don’t want to serve time, based on his own 23 years in criminal law. We hope you never need these pieces of advice, but Scott is here with top-notch guidance to help you dodge the mistakes others have made.
For example, “hold off on wearing your ‘Out on Bail’ shirt the day you commit a crime, unless you prefer a little irony in your mug shot.” Another great tip – when fighting for custody of your child, maybe don’t text your contacts, “Hey, who got some kick-ass weed 4 sale?” and include your CPS case worker in the recipients.
We know you, wise reader, would never do such a thing, but read on and listen to our podcast for Scott’s wisdom and the crazy background stories of his best tips.
Warning: these stories will do nothing to promote your faith in humanity’s collective intellect.
Here are some of his tips that didn’t appear on the podcast but are definitely worth heeding:
Free Legal Tip of the Day #104
When appearing at your court hearing after failing to complete rehab, do not wear your “I’m not drunk. I’m still drinking” t-shirt.
Free Legal Tip of the Day #98
After stealing a deputy’s credit card to order a t-shirt on-line, prominently featuring your face with Snapchat puppy dog ears and tongue, don’t forget to change the shipping address from the deputy’s house.
Free Legal Tip of the Day #96
Baring your chest to your husband is fine. Trying to sneak him a flash at his criminal hearing because he’s not seen them in a while is not.
Free Legal Tip of the Day #82
After convincing the judge to release you from jail while you’ve clutched your Bible and passionately persuaded him that you found Jesus in Pod A, please refrain from walking out of the courtroom and slapping said Bible in the bailiff’s hand on your way out, stating “Here, I don’t need this anymore.”
Free Legal Tip of the Day #75
There are many, many things you can sell on Craig’s List. Your baby is not one of those things.
Free Legal Tip of the Day #59
Ladies, personalized vanity kits have many useful purposes. Toting your meth to court with you in your name-bearing kit, and forgetting it there in the bathroom, is not one.
Free Legal Tip of the Day #41
When the judge asks you who the father of your child is, “A pill made me pregnant” is neither a credible nor acceptable response. Sex Ed. Look into it.
Free Legal Tip of the Day #20
Men, when a woman asks you to send proof of your girth and length by holding your credit card next to it in the photo, it’s not your pride and joy she’s wanting to see. Major points for identity theft creativity.
Free Legal Tip of the Day #10
When the judge asks you, in reference to a drug screen, “If I send you to the bathroom, is there going to be anything in it?”, “Ummm, maybe some corn?” is not the response he is expecting.
Free Legal Tip of the Day #2
When using a friend’s urine in an attempt to pass a drug screen, drug test your friend first.
For all of Scott’s tips, read here.